Why we want to be 60 now...

Robyn: Who would ever want to be 60?!
Ted: I do.
Robyn: Why would you?
Ted: Because everything would have been settled by then. I would know how my career has taken off, who I am married to and who my kids are. I would have already reached my destination.
Robyn: What's the fun in that? Life isn't about reaching the destination; it's about the journey and experience that we have while reaching it.

Yes, I did just paraphrased/quoted How I Met Your Mother. After four seasons, this was the one conversation that stuck in my mind the most, simply because it applies to myself so much. In a sense I guess that is why I tolerate watching the lovesick Ted search around in high hopes of figuring out his life. Everyday I wish to wake up and...well not exactly be 60, but wake up to a life where I have already achieved the stage at which my life is magically figured out. I know where I am working, who my life partner is and what my childrens' names are. It is all the bottled up anxiety and unknown that generates a sense of fear and utter hopelessness for my future.

After hearing Robyn's response, I think I can finally reason myself to be a bit more optimistic and less tense about the future. From early myths to stories of our ancestors, we are creatures who constantly try to predict what will happen in the future. We even pay millions of dollars to traders/brokers to figure out what will happen in the next five minutes. Why is that we are so willing to jump to our destination? It is mostly that the torture of the journey to our destination is so arduous? We cannot bear not knowing what our next steps are? If this is so innately wired into our minds, how can we enjoy our lives, when every waking moment is used to calculate the next?

Perhaps we must grit our teeths, roll up our sleeves and rush forward, blinded to our fears and open to all opportunities. Today I had my first round of interview and the interviewer said that courage is the most important trait. Yes of course because courage is the most difficult trait to master. How many people can say that they did not hesitate for one second before belly flopping your way down a 12 feet pool? I definitely stood at the edge of the pool for more than 10 minutes before a clumsy fat kid tripped over his flip flops and pushed me down. The dive was thrilling and the moment that I hit full body into the pool was utter satisfaction. There the destination has been reached! But if I were wise, I should have enjoyed those ticking minutes of standing by the pool contemplating the risk of what might happen if I suddenly forget to hold my breath and kick. The moment of considering my options and seeing faint glimpses of the unknown should be the fascinating part of the story. This the moment where destinations are created and altered, whether we regret them or not. The satisfaction comes from the notion that we created the destination.

From such reasoning, our ever so desirable destination cannot be viewed as a simple standard endpoint. It is nothing but standard. Our journey of decisions and contemplation, what we choose to do and not do, what fate likes to challenge us with all shape our destination. It would be alienating to wake up one day and discover that we have reached our destination but not know and feel how it was that we got here in the first place,

Part of me that hinges on my rush towards shaping my destination is the great fear of failure, which comes from over contemplating. I am not always lucky enough to have the assistance of a clumsy fat kid, so I guess I simply must be my own clumsy self (this is true both figuratively and literally). As I finish this seemingly long post, to which should have been just a brief one, I will take a nap and begin to trip myself into the 12 feet pool, working away my anxiety and just moving forward, enjoying every tumble and fall while smiling gladly at all the small victories that shape the bigger win, my ultimate destination created by yours truly.